Funny story about “creative chaos in Iraq”

  • Paul Bremer: Well, my dear friend, Jeremy, we shall carry out the orders of President Bush to run this ancient country in the style of creative chaos, read, have you ever read those recommendations before?

  • Jeremy Greenstock: Chaos? Creative? How can chaos be creative?

  • Bremer: it will be creative as it will create something certainly, no matter what that creature will be.

  • Jeremy: ok, whatever ! but how will we reconcile the desire of President Bush and the desire of Iraqi opposition forces and clerics to form a national government?

  • Bremer: National Government! Yes we will make them a national government that will be headed by (12) president within one year.

  • Jeremy: It’s a real chaos! but what will this absurdity leave behind?

  • Bremer: It will make them addicted to the political consensus even after our departure till it becomes an administrative and social consensus, too. look, if the director is Shiite ;his deputies will be Sunni and Kurdish , if the minister is Sunni ;his deputies will be Shiite and Kurdish regardless of their competence and professionalism. They will choose one Sunni, one Shiite and one Kurdish even when appointing a janitor! We do not want a strong government but a consensual conflict government that is made of uncertainty and distrust of the other component .We will cast doubt in their hearts till it overshadow the language of their constitutions, their republican decrees, their administrative orders, and even their poems and speeches.

  • Jeremy: But don’t you think Iraqis will notice the enormity of what we are planning to?

  • Bremer: don’t worry! the joy of the Iraqi salvation of the dictator Saddam will make them trust the new leaders and these new leaders are ready to take the post of prime minister, even for one day alternately to be rewarded with fictitious salary and permanent retirement.

  • Major James knocks on the door and says, “Sorry sir for interrupting but we need more translators to set up checkpoints at the gates of the Green Zone.”

  • Bremer: no problem, Tien is on its way to opening a headquarters in Baghdad, but as I know you have a surplus of translators?

  • Sir, these are not translators all they know in English is(Fu..k you, Thank you) they worked with us for our urgent need to communicate with the people of the cities and are only interested in the payment of attractive salaries.

  • Jeremy: But why does not the Bush administration want to adopt a civilized regime in Iraq, as we do in the United States?

  • Bremer: My dear, the United States is still grateful to Saddam and owes him gratitude because, in his invasion of Kuwait, he opened the way to US arms and equipment factories to thrive again and the price of all these factories’ products was paid by the Gulf states in exchange to the American protection of them , and they are paying with their oil, so do you still think that stability in Iraq is in our favor? Of course not ! we will scare them by the Iranian’s influence in Iraq until we get the last drop of oil in that desert . like that, the Iraqi oil and its assets will always be guaranteed whether this country is stabilized  or not .

  • Bremer : tell me Major James, what are the updates of the formation of new regiments of Iraqi police?

  • Major James: Sir, we had a great shortage of police officers, so we opened the door to volunteer but unfortunately not on the right foundations ,as most of the new officers are not able to read and write in their own language.

  • Bremer : never mind! That is exactly what we want . We have also chosen the members of the Governing Council and the political elite in the same way. Most of them have forged certificates and are more concerned about their own gains and privileges. Times pass by so quickly with you, I almost forgot that I have an important appointment, I must attend the opening of the national theatre , the Iraqi Symphony Orchestra will play the “outdated” Palestinian national anthem “Mawteni”.

Then he said upon leaving the room : “I hope  my driver will find a spot to park the car as I expect the parking lot will be filled with the cars of the Iraqi Governing Council members.  excuse me…

By:  Zuhair Mehdi, Presumptive Dialogue, 29/6/2018

  • Source: arabtimes

 

 

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